Jesus Christ. I hope Jamey has decided to start reading this--I hope her curiosity's got the better of her--because I want to be really fucking pissed off at her, but I can't bring myself to shout at her face. She can be so fucking self-centered, and it's starting to get to me. She said I seemed awkward yesterday, in her car, like I was afraid she'd "make a move" on me, which is one of the dumbest things I've ever heard. If anything, I'm the one likely to molest her, not the other way around. Besides, I was awkward and afraid yesterday because I was kind of despising myself. It wasn't a "don't touch me if it's at all sexual," it was more of a "don't touch me unless you're going to damage me." Because I'm not supposed to hurt myself anymore, so I have to get other people to. I try to hurt other people because I want them to hurt me back. But it's scary, making people mad at you.